Couples seek counseling at Little Elm Christian Counseling for a variety of reasons. Just as no two people are created the same, every marriage and marital relationship is unique. The “why” beyond one couple’s desire for counseling can be tailored to that couple’s history, communication styles, season of life, sources of conflict, etc.
Simply seeking out a counselor does not mean that your marriage is in a place of desperation. Whereas some couples do seek a licensed, professional counselor in difficult times, other couples seek out a counselor’s expertise simply to do regular check-ins and explore areas where their marriage can be strengthened.
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Couples counseling is when a couple looks to a trained professional counselor for help to navigate a difficulty, learn different skills, or a combination of the two. There are many different types of couples counseling. Some of these include:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy where a counselor leads spouses to understand what the source of their disconnectedness is and how to grow the bond between them.
- Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy helps to identify a specific set of thought patterns that is impacting how the couple relates to one another and helping one or both spouses develop new ways of thinking that lead to positive habits and behaviors, thus benefitting the marriage overall and the spouses’ relationship with one another.
- Psychodynamic Therapy can help a couple explore underlying motivations, hopes, fears, and anxieties that dictate certain behaviors related to the other person or behaviors that impact the other spouse.
- The Gottman method of couples counseling looks at taking a proactive approach to problem-solving by exploring healthier ways to address conflict and communication.
Your counselor will typically suggest meeting for one or two sessions to simply get to know you and your spouse. This may involve sharing your relationship history on a large scale: how you met, what your dating experience was like, when you married, major turning points in your marriage, etc. Once you and your spouse are comfortable, your counselor may ask something such as why you’ve sought counseling or what you’d like to accomplish through counseling.
This is where a couple may differ, but it’s important to be honest about why each spouse either wants to or is willing to seek the outside help of a licensed professional Christian counselor. Even if one spouse led the pursuit of Christian couples counseling in Little Elm, Texas, both spouses can be accountable for their own part in coming to the counseling appointment. It’s okay to be honest with a counselor, and in fact, it’s encouraged so that your counselor can help based on where you are right now.
Based on why you’ve chosen to attend couples counseling, your counselor may begin with questions related to the issue at hand. If you find that your conflict resolution skills are lacking or that “you keep having the same fight over and over,” it’s helpful for your counselor to ask questions such as what the fight(s) tend to be about, how each of you communicates verbally and nonverbally, and how the fight(s) end.
As you’re each sharing from your point of view, the counselor may take notes, record observations, and ask clarifying questions to make sure that he or she understands what is being shared.
Many couples think that if they seek a counselor, something must be wrong. However, healthy couples acknowledge that a relationship goes through many seasons and can benefit from an outsider’s perspective at any point. For some, this may be when their children head off to college and they find that the home is not as busy or full of life as it once was. Other couples may find that after the newness of marriage has subsided, some of the elated feelings they once had have faded behind laundry and paying bills.
And other couples may seek a counselor when their marriage has undergone trauma of some kind, such as the loss of a child, infidelity, a major move, or a job loss. Any of these life-changing events can highlight areas where a marital relationship may be weak and need strengthening.
At Little Elm Christian Counseling, your counselor will likely use a combination of therapies depending on you and your spouse’s needs. He or she may ask questions related to how you handle financial disagreements vs. how you address disagreements on minor issues such as who takes out the garbage or leaving the outside lights on at night. Discerning how you and your spouse make room for healthy conflict or respond to conflict in unhealthy ways can give your counselor insight to help you learn new ways of communicating.
Some topics that may be covered in couples counseling related to connection and bonding include:
- Attitudes and preferences toward intimacy
- Sexual relationship
- Needs for personal downtime
- Expectations about time spent together
- Ideas for conversation that extend beyond the children
- Hobbies and being open to trying shared ways of enjoying time together
When it comes to infidelity or jealousy issues, a couples’ counselor may delve more deeply into the following subjects:
- How your parents dealt with relationships outside the marriage, such as friendships with co-workers, friendships between a spouse and the opposite sex, and other couple friendships and how that shaped your own expectations around these relationships
- What kind of attachment you built with your parents from a young age and if they were trustworthy in your view (and how this may impact your level of trust in your marital relationship)
- What your expectations are related to how your spouse uses his or her time away from work and household roles
- Personal insecurities or previous struggles with self-esteem in you or your spouse and how that impacts the levels of trust in your relationship
- Previous relationships that you and/or your spouse were in and how those have impacted the levels of security and trust in your marriage
When a couple is looking for help to communicate better, a counselor may explore questions related to
- What some of the major areas of repeated arguments are
- How each person in the relationship responds to conflict and what that communicates, either verbally or non-verbally, to the other person
- Ways in which each spouse can approach a possible point of conflict with grace and understanding the other person’s thoughts and feelings
- How to come to mutual terms of agreement that help both of you “fight clean” where neither person is put on the defensive and both partners remember that you’re “on the same team”
In cases where trauma such as grief, loss, or infidelity has occurred, a counselor may gently help the couple explore
- How they are currently feeling about the loss
- Where they feel the other person is relationally and how that either makes them feel connected or disconnected
- Ways of finding common values again or restoring values that were once commonly held
- Uncovering reasons behind infidelity that hold each person accountable to his or her role in the marriage its weaknesses, even if the infidelity was committed by one spouse
- Helping take ownership and responsibility for areas of inattentiveness and ignorance about the other person
- Trying to find mutual areas of respect so that each spouse grows in his/her view of the other spouse
- Areas of healing that are needed for each spouse, which may differ depending on how each person copes with loss and difficulty
- Ideas for maintaining some of the new relational patterns that are being built back in healthy ways
Some couples wonder if couples counseling is for them. If you think it could be helpful, it is right for you. There are many studies of real marriages that have thrived after seeking couples counseling. Helping you and your spouse see a clear way forward for your marriage is the goal of the licensed professional counselors in Little Elm, Texas. Your counselor will help you envision your relationship with healthy coping mechanisms, helpful communication patterns, and hope for the future. If you think couples counseling will be an asset to your marriage, contact us today at Little Elm Christian Counseling — we’d love to help you take the next step.
Get connected with a Christian Counselor
Please contact our reception team at
(469) 333-6163