Self-Soothing Techniques for Anger Management

Anger can arise from seemingly nowhere. One minute you are doing a simple task and the next you are ready to bite off the heads of everyone around you. Anger management is a process and it is often lifelong. Developing self-awareness is critical to moving forward in your anger management.

As you become aware of your anger, you can apply different techniques to help you calm down at the moment, as well as uncover the root causes.

Anger management is a two-part process

First, you need to deal with the moment.

You catch yourself ready to snap, perhaps at a person or maybe an inanimate object. Regardless of where your anger is directed at the moment, you notice it is the moment you can do something about it.

• Take a step back (literally or metaphorically).
• Take a deep breath. Take several deep breaths. This allows your brain to process the situation.
• Go get a drink of water. This will slow your heart rate, lower your blood pressure, and give you some time to think.

Secondly, you need to retrace your steps.

Now that you are aware of your anger, and have stepped back from the situation you can start to deal with why you are angry. Some questions to ask yourself:

• When did I last eat food or drink water?
• Do I need to use the bathroom?
• Am I tired?
• Why does this thing make me feel out of control?
• Is there someone else pressuring me?

The thing that caused you to lose your temper is rarely the real reason that you are angry. It is often the final straw in a massive pile. By reflecting on the bigger picture, you can identify the issue as well as the trigger.

Preemptively preparing and retroactively examining

So, you lost your temper today. You took care of it at the moment, but how do you stop repeating incidents of anger? Once you know what triggered the flare-up you can take steps to prevent it from happening again.

If your anger resulted from poor self-care (lack of sleep, imbalance diet) take the necessary steps to manage those things. Buy a water bottle you like, stop drinking caffeine in the afternoon, and find healthy snacks to keep your blood sugars managed.

If your anger is more about stress from work, you may need to get more creative in your solutions. This could be a season where you need to give yourself more grace. Ask others to be gentle with you.

When people trigger your temper, you will need to make some choices. Perhaps you are in a situation where you can leave. Perhaps there are anger management counselors who can help you navigate the relationship. Maybe you need to find a healthy outlet for your anger (journaling, physical activity, etc.)

Anger is an invitation

Anger is to the brain what pain is to the body: an indication that something is wrong. It is an invitation to explore what makes you uncomfortable and unhappy. As you learn to process your anger and regulate your response you can then explore the roots.

Talking with a counselor can provide a deep questioning space to explore what anger might be inviting you to consider. Schedule an appointment today and consider exploring the invitation of anger.