Relationship Issues Archives | Little Elm Christian Counseling

Pursuing Counseling as a Stepparent

Pursuing Counseling as a Stepparent

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T09:34:40+00:00April 24th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Let’s be honest – being a stepparent can be hard. Whether you are walking into a situation where the divorce was amicable or not there is pressure with being the new parent on the block. Coming into a family with older children presents a certain set of challenges and may require counseling to help. The other parent may be respected, or they may not. They might be freely talked about, or their name may never be mentioned. Maybe the person you marry has a good relationship with their ex. Maybe it is adversarial, and your partner can find nothing good to say about them. Whatever the situation, being a stepparent can feel like being in the middle of a hedge maze with no way to get your bearings. The reality is that a new marriage does not just include the adults involved. Stepping into a family, whether the kids are in the house or not, is complicated. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution, below are some tips to help with the transition. The best thing you can do is to be respectful of the children and where they are. You are not going anywhere, and neither are they. As the older person in the situation, there is more expectation placed on you to make the children feel comfortable and not threatened. Remember at the end of any snide comment about the other parent is their child who loves that person. The child is dealing with a mountain of trauma, pain, questions, and emotion. Insulting the other parent will only cause friction. Find a place outside the home to express your frustrations and process the situation. Counseling can be a good resource. Even if you are overly respectful of the other parent, there will still be moments of pain and [...]

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6 Practical Tips for Improving Empathy

6 Practical Tips for Improving Empathy

Joanna Kucherera2024-09-27T09:28:00+00:00April 9th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

In the we world we live in today, we could all use some empathy toward one another. Empathy is the ability we have as humans to feel for another, to try and look at the world from another person’s perspective. Presently, it feels we are living in a world where we are divided and not taking the time to create spaces for connections and dialogue. When empathy is lacking so is kindness, love, understanding, and forgiveness. In this article, we will look at several practical tips for improving empathy. Empathy can be divided into 3 categories, namely affective, somatic, and cognitive. Affective empathy is a person’s ability to respond to what others might be experiencing appropriately. This can mean knowing what to say to someone who is grieving. Somatic empathy is when a person can feel what another person is feeling. They do not need to have gone through a similar experience, they can embody what others feel in different situations and therefore can behave accordingly. Cognitive empathy on the other hand is being able to understand why people respond the way they do or why people feel the way they do about certain situations. They do not necessarily have to agree with the responses, but they understand. There are many ways people can improve their ability to be empathetic toward others. Realizing how important empathy is in our world and our day-to-day relationships and connections is essential. Without empathy, it can be difficult to build long-lasting relationships or partnerships. When people become more empathetic, we also have a kinder world, one that encourages pro-social behavior and unity rather than mistrust and destruction. Living in a world without empathy means that we resign ourselves to indifference with the suffering of others. This gives rise to feelings of superiority, discrimination, [...]

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The Lie at the Root: Infidelity in Marriage

The Lie at the Root: Infidelity in Marriage

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:06+00:00August 31st, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Things that seem like a good idea from one standpoint are often poor decisions when viewed with sober judgment. In our lives, we can look at the past and see how foolish or misguided we were when we made certain decisions or took a path we thought would lead to happiness. Such a thing is infidelity in marriage. Wisdom is being able to see a thing for what it is in the moment, and not fall prey to illusions about your own intentions or the possible outcomes. We need wisdom when it comes to sex and relationships because we can easily mislead ourselves as well as get misled. Why infidelity happens in marriage There are many possible reasons why infidelity happens in a marriage. Sometimes it occurs as a form of revenge against one spouse for something they did or did not do. At other times, it occurs because something is missing in the relationship, such as a sense of intimacy or not feeling appreciated. While unhappiness is often a cause of infidelity, at other times it occurs because of boredom, or simply because the opportunity arises spontaneously. Infidelity also often occurs because of the desire to explore aspects of oneself that aren’t being given care or attention within the marriage. Marital unfaithfulness can also occur when a person reconnects with an old flame, for instance. This can lead to the desire to tread the path not taken earlier in life and to reawaken old desires. Whatever you may think of those reasons, they are real reasons why people have affairs. Those affairs may be physical and sexual, or they can be emotional affairs that happen at a distance via phone or the internet. Either way, one is crossing a boundary and having an inappropriate relationship that dishonors the marriage. [...]

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10 Reasons Why Premarital Counseling is Important

10 Reasons Why Premarital Counseling is Important

Joanna Kucherera2024-09-27T09:25:51+00:00June 13th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Couples that have been seeing each other for a while and are ready to take the next step in their relationship usually seek the services of a counselor or religious leader to walk them through premarital counseling. Not all couples do this, but it is highly recommended. Premarital counseling is a type of therapy for couples who wish to marry and want help to understand the commitment they are about to make. Its purpose is to arm the couple with information and skills for marriage, help discuss problematic issues in the relationship, and evaluate where they stand with each other. Why is premarital counseling important? Each couple is unique. Motivations for seeking pre-marital counseling differ from couple to couple, however, its importance cannot be understated. Below are some common reasons why people should consider doing pre-marital counseling before they get married: Safe and confidential third party. Couples need a safe, confidential place to discuss their relationship. Premarital counseling provides this space. Here couples know that no topic is off limits and having an impartial third party helps the couple open up about things they might not have been able to with other people. Ability to discuss sensitive/hard topics. Some subjects might seem too sensitive to discuss. Going for premarital counseling allows couples to talk freely without the fear of judgment or punishment. Couples will also be taught how to handle such topics in the future. Setting goals. Premarital counseling can help couples set their relational goals and be taught how to plan together. They will learn the tools they will need to succeed as a couple. Gain skills and tools. Like anything new we embark on in life, we need the necessary tools and skills. Marriage is no different. For it to work and stand the test of time, [...]

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Re-ordered Heart: Navigating Trauma, Codependency, and People Pleasing

Re-ordered Heart: Navigating Trauma, Codependency, and People Pleasing

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:12+00:00June 5th, 2023|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

The nature of trauma has the potential to inform, influence, and infect our relationships. Traumatic experiences point to the roots of sin and dysfunction in our families. This may not be isolated to our families of origin, but it also makes an appearance in our adulthood experiences. While we may have adopted codependency and people-pleasing to navigate difficult seasons of life, they don’t facilitate interactions with others but rather complicate them. Instead of remaining true to who God has made us, we try to suppress that, misbelieving that we serve others when we forfeit the boundaries and behaviors that enhance our well-being. Codependency suggests that our value is anchored in what we do to gain acceptance and approval by pleasing people. When we continue with that as if it were true, we build thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around what satisfies others. This devalues the Holy Spirit within and the range of normal and God-given desires He has planted in our hearts. While trauma and codependency may have informed our difficulties, it doesn’t define or dictate our life path. When we encounter revealed Truth in Scripture and an encounter with the Spirit of Christ, we are miraculously exposed to the abundance of healing, peace, and joy available to us in our relationship with God. Moving away from codependency To alter the behavior, we have to re-evaluate the narratives that we rehearse internally. Are our internal scripts true and supported by Scripture or informed by past wounds and perspectives that don’t reflect the fullness of God’s grace and mercy? It is only in knowing that we are completely loved and fully accepted by God, that we embrace honest exploration of the thoughts we are often afraid to confront or express in prayer. The Holy Spirit will infuse us with the courage and [...]

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How Do Happy Couples Resolve Their Differences in a Relationship?

How Do Happy Couples Resolve Their Differences in a Relationship?

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:26+00:00January 14th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Did you know that married happy couples report experiencing the same amount of conflict as their unmarried counterparts? According to the research conducted by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the primary distinction between the two groups is how they handle arguments and disagreements within their relationships. What does it mean to be happy? For countless years, thinkers, clergymen, clergywomen, and mental health experts, along with many others, have argued about what constitutes happiness; nevertheless, happiness itself is a very subjective concept. Although the term “happiness” is frequently interchanged with terms such as “joy,” “pleasure,” and “glee” to refer to a transient emotion, happiness is more commonly used to refer to emotions of well-being and contentment that last for a longer period. The absence of sorrow, anxiety, or any other unfavorable feelings is not necessarily synonymous with contentment. Happiness, on the other hand, denotes a general sense of fulfillment and the tendency to evaluate one’s life as being positive, significant, and fruitful. Many different conceptions of happiness share certain characteristics, such as the following: Having a sense of contentment with how one’s life is progressing, holding oneself in high esteem while simultaneously being able to forgive oneself for past errors and failings. Discovering contentment in the little things in life and the people you love. Possessing multiple areas of success in life Possessing an upbeat attitude and a propensity to view challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles. embracing challenges as learning experiences and chances for advancement Taking responsibility for one’s happiness rather than allowing one’s feelings to be influenced by events or circumstances occurring outside of oneself. The science of happiness for couples Positive psychology is a subfield of psychology that focuses on happiness, well-being, and capitalizing on people’s talents. As a result, there is a growing interest among researchers [...]

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How to Help Your Depressed Husband

How to Help Your Depressed Husband

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T13:55:28+00:00December 1st, 2022|Couples Counseling, Depression, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

When you got married, you promised to love and take care of your partner through good times and bad. Even though it may have been easy to stay together when you were both happy, your vows are put to the test when one of you is depressed. Having a depressed husband can make you feel alone. You might feel like you’re the only one in the world going through this. About sixteen million Americans have depression. Depression can happen to anyone, no matter how old they are, what gender they are, or how much they know about mental health. One partner being depressed can make it harder to keep a marriage together, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail just because one of you is depressed. You and your partner can have a happy, fulfilling relationship. By learning how to deal with a depressed partner, you can go from being frustrated to being able to keep your marriage as happy as you both know it can be. What causes depression? Even though no one knows for sure what causes depression, doctors think it has to do with a mix of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. That is to say, your partner could be depressed because it’s in their genes or because they’re going through a hard time or a traumatic event. Different things can cause depression in men and women. Women are almost twice as likely as men to be told they have depression. There are some biological reasons for this, such as the fact that hormone levels change before and after pregnancy and before and after menopause. There are also cultural factors that make women more likely to be depressed, like having to deal with extra stress to build high-powered careers and do most of the [...]

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What Does Forgiveness Mean?

What Does Forgiveness Mean?

Joanna Kucherera2024-09-27T09:26:57+00:00August 8th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Perhaps one of the most thought-provoking and challenging things Jesus ever commanded was for us to forgive those who have offended us seventy-seven times if necessary (Matthew 18:20-21 NIV). He had many other things to say about forgiveness and practiced it remarkably even while dying unjustly on the cross (Luke 23:34, NIV). Why is forgiveness often such a difficult thing to do? What does it truly mean to forgive? What Forgiveness Is Not If we are honest with ourselves (and with God), forgiveness is not something that comes easily. It is often difficult to let go of the emotions that arise from experiencing injustice. A partial explanation of this is that anger, bitterness, and resentment – emotions commonly associated with unforgiveness – are immensely powerful emotions, and they can be a form of toxic fuel. In many cases, we never receive an apology let alone restitution. Should forgiveness wait until there is an apology or acknowledgment of guilt? The answer is no. Forgiveness is different from being satisfied with justice. The parent who looks the murderer of their child in the eye and forgives them does not receive their child back. It is not justice. There will remain an empty space in their life, but with forgiveness, that emptiness will no longer be filled with bitterness, resentment, and anger. Forgiveness is also not reconciliation. You are not bound to make amends with the party who hurt you. Forgiveness does not require you to build a bridge that was broken. The abused child may find it in their hearts to forgive their abuser, but that does not mean the relationship is mended, nor does it mean they should try to repair it. In many cases, it is wisdom and self-preservation to cut ties with the one who has damaged you. Forgiveness [...]

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Getting to Grips with Boundaries in Relationships

Getting to Grips with Boundaries in Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:53+00:00August 4th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

The concept of “boundaries” has become popular in recent years, with many books and articles appearing on the topic. It can, however, be difficult to get to grips with, and where boundaries in relationships are lacking, the issue can be even harder to identify and resolve. What exactly are boundaries? Just as physical boundaries in the world represent the beginning and end of things – walls, traffic lanes, state lines – so too do these concepts apply to the self and relationships. A personal boundary delineates where a person ends, and another person begins and leads to a sense of ownership for what an individual is thereby responsible for. They are responsible for themselves – their body, feelings, thoughts, choices, desires, behaviors, and so forth. When boundaries in relationships are firmly in place, there can be freedom to enjoy the blessing of that particular type of companionship, and the idea of boundaries need not be considered in any way. When, however, we ascertain that we are taking responsibility for someone else’s property, such as their thoughts or feelings, etc., or we are controlling someone or they are controlling us, it is a warning sign that boundaries lines have been confused. Feeling hurt is also an indication of breached boundaries, as is resentment or bitterness creeping into relationships. If you constantly feel tired or stressed, and yet are powerless to say no to additional demands, a boundary problem could also be lurking. In these instances, it would be extremely helpful to have some sessions with a trained Christian counselor, who will guide you through ascertaining where “property ownership” is being contested, and assist in navigating you back to having healthy boundaries in relationships. Boundaries in Relationships: Marriage Patterns As Christians, we believe that marriage is a covenant relationship where “two [...]

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