How Do Happy Couples Resolve Their Differences in a Relationship?

Did you know that married happy couples report experiencing the same amount of conflict as their unmarried counterparts? According to the research conducted by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the primary distinction between the two groups is how they handle arguments and disagreements within their relationships.

What does it mean to be happy?

For countless years, thinkers, clergymen, clergywomen, and mental health experts, along with many others, have argued about what constitutes happiness; nevertheless, happiness itself is a very subjective concept. Although the term “happiness” is frequently interchanged with terms such as “joy,” “pleasure,” and “glee” to refer to a transient emotion, happiness is more commonly used to refer to emotions of well-being and contentment that last for a longer period.

The absence of sorrow, anxiety, or any other unfavorable feelings is not necessarily synonymous with contentment. Happiness, on the other hand, denotes a general sense of fulfillment and the tendency to evaluate one’s life as being positive, significant, and fruitful. Many different conceptions of happiness share certain characteristics, such as the following:

• Having a sense of contentment with how one’s life is progressing, holding oneself in high esteem while simultaneously being able to forgive oneself for past errors and failings.
• Discovering contentment in the little things in life and the people you love.
• Possessing multiple areas of success in life Possessing an upbeat attitude and a propensity to view challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles.
• embracing challenges as learning experiences and chances for advancement
• Taking responsibility for one’s happiness rather than allowing one’s feelings to be influenced by events or circumstances occurring outside of oneself.

The science of happiness for couples

Positive psychology is a subfield of psychology that focuses on happiness, well-being, and capitalizing on people’s talents. As a result, there is a growing interest among researchers in the study of happiness. In particular, this interest has been sparked by the development of positive psychology.

There is some circumstantial evidence to suggest that people are born with a happiness “set point” that influences how they respond to the various conditions of their lives. To change this happy set point and enable people to be happier, however, people can benefit from psychotherapy, altering their routines, and reframing their thinking.

According to the vast majority of empirical studies, contentment is not predicated on monetary wealth or even on professional achievement. Several studies have proven that a person’s level of happiness is unaffected by their financial situation after they have sufficient funds to meet their fundamental requirements.

Happiness appears to be a combination of personality attributes such as optimism and practices that increase happiness such as spending time with loved ones. People who are extremely successful or respected do not necessarily report being happier than others.

Conflict resolution for happy couples

It can be difficult to find a resolution to a quarrel with for couples, especially in situations in which tempers seem to swiftly flare up and an argument comes out of nowhere. When anger is activated, it may first seem like a minor irritation or frustration; however, these sentiments have the potential to become full-blown indignation. When anger is provoked, it may initially feel like a slight irritation or frustration.

Anger is a feeling that all of us experience, albeit to varying degrees of intensity, which ultimately determines how the conflict will play out. If you approach the disagreement in a hostile manner, pointing fingers and leveling criticisms, the conflict will certainly be resolved in the same hostile manner, with no resolution in sight.

There are normally two ways that couples who struggle with conflict choose to deal with their anger: either they suppress it or they vent it. One spouse has a pattern of either denying or suppressing their anger, feeling annoyed but choosing to remain mute to maintain the peace in the relationship. The use of this tactic carries with it the possibility of increasing feelings of animosity over time.

The other partner may respond swiftly with comments that are angry, critical, or degrading. A relationship can’t change if people continue to express their anger in this way since it just reinforces the same old patterns of conflict.

Both approaches to resolving the problem in this manner are ineffective and cannot be recommended. These are the kinds of predictable behaviors that put couples in a never-ending cycle of pointing fingers, becoming defensive, and stonewalling.

Anger is a normal and healthy response to a variety of stimuli, although many people view it as a detrimental feeling that should be avoided at all costs. Your emotions are trying to tell you that something in your life is not quite right and needs to be adjusted, and anger is one of the ways they do this. Your anger can be a valuable tool, assisting you in more clearly defining yourself, your life, and your relationship with the other person.

Asking oneself, “What is the real underlying issue here?” is an important step to take before engaging in conflict resolution. What is it that we are hoping to achieve here?

Couples who have found marital bliss:

Schedule a specific time to talk about the matter. They established a few guidelines for the game. They start the conversation by taking turns speaking and then listening to one another. They take turns identifying the issues by stating what they feel and what they want in the form of “I” statements: “When ____ happens, I feel _____. I would like ____.”

They pay attention by restating what has been said in their own words, thereby capturing the essence of the speaker’s main point as well as their sentiments.

Emphasize clear communication. They avoid words that begin with “you” and imply guilt. They try to steer clear of words and phrases such as “always” and “never.” They recount the scenario and how it has affected them, but they do not detail how the other person behaved in the situation. They have a constructive attitude toward the person they are in a relationship with.

Take a rest. When people begin to feel overwhelmed by a contentious topic, they decide to step away from the discussion for anywhere between twenty minutes and twenty-four hours.

If they allow themselves to become overcome with feelings, they are aware that it will be practically hard to have a meaningful dialogue that is also effective in resolving the problem. They are aware that it is in their best interest to stop while they are ahead.

Always keep in mind that they are friends first. People who are content in their marriages tend to perceive their relationship in the best possible light, acknowledge that their partner is human, and acknowledge that their partner will occasionally make mistakes. They consider the other person to be a friend who is on their side rather than an adversary who is working against them.

Conclusion

It is possible to improve the functioning of your relationship as well as your ability to manage conflict. When both of you can see the destructive pattern in which you are engaged and then take steps to break out of it, you may be able to discover more solutions to your problems and have fewer instances of your disagreements becoming more heated.

After a battle has stirred up your feelings, it will be easier for you to maintain your composure if you prevent yourself from becoming overwhelmed and take breaks whenever you feel the need. When you behave in a manner that generates optimism and focuses on the great attributes that your spouse possesses, you are making progress in the correct direction.

If you and your partner have been mired in a destructive cycle of fighting for some time, it may be the perfect moment to seek the assistance of a professional marriage counselor who has years of experience in the field. You, too, can transform how you handle conflict by acquiring and putting into practice some fresh, more efficient methods of conflict resolution.