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Re-ordered Heart: Navigating Trauma, Codependency, and People Pleasing

Re-ordered Heart: Navigating Trauma, Codependency, and People Pleasing

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:12+00:00June 5th, 2023|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

The nature of trauma has the potential to inform, influence, and infect our relationships. Traumatic experiences point to the roots of sin and dysfunction in our families. This may not be isolated to our families of origin, but it also makes an appearance in our adulthood experiences. While we may have adopted codependency and people-pleasing to navigate difficult seasons of life, they don’t facilitate interactions with others but rather complicate them. Instead of remaining true to who God has made us, we try to suppress that, misbelieving that we serve others when we forfeit the boundaries and behaviors that enhance our well-being. Codependency suggests that our value is anchored in what we do to gain acceptance and approval by pleasing people. When we continue with that as if it were true, we build thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around what satisfies others. This devalues the Holy Spirit within and the range of normal and God-given desires He has planted in our hearts. While trauma and codependency may have informed our difficulties, it doesn’t define or dictate our life path. When we encounter revealed Truth in Scripture and an encounter with the Spirit of Christ, we are miraculously exposed to the abundance of healing, peace, and joy available to us in our relationship with God. Moving away from codependency To alter the behavior, we have to re-evaluate the narratives that we rehearse internally. Are our internal scripts true and supported by Scripture or informed by past wounds and perspectives that don’t reflect the fullness of God’s grace and mercy? It is only in knowing that we are completely loved and fully accepted by God, that we embrace honest exploration of the thoughts we are often afraid to confront or express in prayer. The Holy Spirit will infuse us with the courage and [...]

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Self-Soothing Techniques for Anger Management

Self-Soothing Techniques for Anger Management

Caitlin Mallery2024-09-27T09:27:14+00:00May 5th, 2023|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Anger can arise from seemingly nowhere. One minute you are doing a simple task and the next you are ready to bite off the heads of everyone around you. Anger management is a process and it is often lifelong. Developing self-awareness is critical to moving forward in your anger management. As you become aware of your anger, you can apply different techniques to help you calm down at the moment, as well as uncover the root causes. Anger management is a two-part process First, you need to deal with the moment. You catch yourself ready to snap, perhaps at a person or maybe an inanimate object. Regardless of where your anger is directed at the moment, you notice it is the moment you can do something about it. Take a step back (literally or metaphorically). Take a deep breath. Take several deep breaths. This allows your brain to process the situation. Go get a drink of water. This will slow your heart rate, lower your blood pressure, and give you some time to think. Secondly, you need to retrace your steps. Now that you are aware of your anger, and have stepped back from the situation you can start to deal with why you are angry. Some questions to ask yourself: When did I last eat food or drink water? Do I need to use the bathroom? Am I tired? Why does this thing make me feel out of control? Is there someone else pressuring me? The thing that caused you to lose your temper is rarely the real reason that you are angry. It is often the final straw in a massive pile. By reflecting on the bigger picture, you can identify the issue as well as the trigger. Preemptively preparing and retroactively examining So, you lost your [...]

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Nurturing Your Children’s Mental Health

Nurturing Your Children’s Mental Health

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:20+00:00April 12th, 2023|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

Children develop better in all areas – socially, emotionally, mentally, and physically – if they have good mental health. A key to nurturing children’s mental health is loving relationships which help children to manage their feelings. Their mental health is enhanced by physical activity, a nutritious diet, and regular quality sleep. This article focuses on children’s mental health between the ages of three to eight years old. Feeling happy and positive about themselves most of the time is a feeling that characterizes children with good mental health. They feel loved, secure in their environments, and safe. These children are kind to themselves when things get tough, or when they are surprised that things do not go the way they hoped or expected. These feelings reflect internal security about attempting things for the first time, or even tasks they know will be difficult. A good level of children’s mental health is seen in how a child enjoys life, learns well, and has friendly relationships with family and those he or she meets. Should he or she become sad, worried, or angry, the child is able to recover to his or her normal emotional levels in a short period of time. Those in the field find that children’s mental health is a key part of their healthy development as it assists them in building good skills which enable them to navigate behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, and communicate with others. As the child grows, his or her good mental health sets up a robust foundation for continued health and well-being as he or she gets older. Ways to foster children’s mental health A positive relationship between you and your child can be tied directly to building up his or her mental health. Some ideas to strengthen your children’s mental health using loving and [...]

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How Do Happy Couples Resolve Their Differences in a Relationship?

How Do Happy Couples Resolve Their Differences in a Relationship?

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:26+00:00January 14th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Did you know that married happy couples report experiencing the same amount of conflict as their unmarried counterparts? According to the research conducted by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the primary distinction between the two groups is how they handle arguments and disagreements within their relationships. What does it mean to be happy? For countless years, thinkers, clergymen, clergywomen, and mental health experts, along with many others, have argued about what constitutes happiness; nevertheless, happiness itself is a very subjective concept. Although the term “happiness” is frequently interchanged with terms such as “joy,” “pleasure,” and “glee” to refer to a transient emotion, happiness is more commonly used to refer to emotions of well-being and contentment that last for a longer period. The absence of sorrow, anxiety, or any other unfavorable feelings is not necessarily synonymous with contentment. Happiness, on the other hand, denotes a general sense of fulfillment and the tendency to evaluate one’s life as being positive, significant, and fruitful. Many different conceptions of happiness share certain characteristics, such as the following: Having a sense of contentment with how one’s life is progressing, holding oneself in high esteem while simultaneously being able to forgive oneself for past errors and failings. Discovering contentment in the little things in life and the people you love. Possessing multiple areas of success in life Possessing an upbeat attitude and a propensity to view challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles. embracing challenges as learning experiences and chances for advancement Taking responsibility for one’s happiness rather than allowing one’s feelings to be influenced by events or circumstances occurring outside of oneself. The science of happiness for couples Positive psychology is a subfield of psychology that focuses on happiness, well-being, and capitalizing on people’s talents. As a result, there is a growing interest among researchers [...]

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Coping with Parenthood Burnout

Coping with Parenthood Burnout

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:34+00:00December 21st, 2022|Couples Counseling, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Are you struggling with parenthood burnout? Do any of the following situations seem familiar? Colicky babies. Screaming toddlers. No babysitters. Around-the-clock feeds. Sleep deprivation. Financial strain. Behavior challenges. Constant touching/loud environments that leave you mentally and physically drained. Feelings of failure when trying to figure out a family/faith/career balance. Having to move away from family/support system due to jobs. Spouse long work hours/demanding travel schedules. While being a parent is one of life’s greatest treasures, it can also be one of the most demanding and depleting tasks you are faced with. While doting new parents are head-over-heels in love with their precious bundle of joy, it isn’t long before parents are thrown new curve balls and obstacles that need to be overcome. The weight of caring for, raising, and nurturing another life can feel like too much to carry alone. Sometimes parents who are feeling overwhelmed by circumstances and parenthood burnout do not want to ask for help, because they feel like it means they do not love their baby. Your feelings are valid. Feeling overwhelmed by parenthood means you are human. If you feel overwhelmed because your baby won’t sleep, you aren’t alone. If you feel overcome with postpartum anxiety/depression, you aren’t alone. If you feel so tired and drained that you could fall asleep standing up, you aren’t alone. If you wish you had a trusted babysitter or family around to help, you aren’t alone. If you do not know how to ask for help, you aren’t alone. How to Cope with Parenthood Burnout If you are wondering what to do next as you navigate the trenches of parenthood, consider these steps: Make the call or send the text. If you have a trusted friend or family member who can watch your kids for a few hours so [...]

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How to Help Your Depressed Husband

How to Help Your Depressed Husband

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T13:55:28+00:00December 1st, 2022|Couples Counseling, Depression, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

When you got married, you promised to love and take care of your partner through good times and bad. Even though it may have been easy to stay together when you were both happy, your vows are put to the test when one of you is depressed. Having a depressed husband can make you feel alone. You might feel like you’re the only one in the world going through this. About sixteen million Americans have depression. Depression can happen to anyone, no matter how old they are, what gender they are, or how much they know about mental health. One partner being depressed can make it harder to keep a marriage together, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail just because one of you is depressed. You and your partner can have a happy, fulfilling relationship. By learning how to deal with a depressed partner, you can go from being frustrated to being able to keep your marriage as happy as you both know it can be. What causes depression? Even though no one knows for sure what causes depression, doctors think it has to do with a mix of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. That is to say, your partner could be depressed because it’s in their genes or because they’re going through a hard time or a traumatic event. Different things can cause depression in men and women. Women are almost twice as likely as men to be told they have depression. There are some biological reasons for this, such as the fact that hormone levels change before and after pregnancy and before and after menopause. There are also cultural factors that make women more likely to be depressed, like having to deal with extra stress to build high-powered careers and do most of the [...]

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Studying Bible Verses About Loss to Cope with Grief

Studying Bible Verses About Loss to Cope with Grief

Melissa Plantz2024-09-27T09:26:19+00:00November 26th, 2022|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

The sense of loss can run deep. It encompasses mourning and grief. It can stem from the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the failure to accomplish a dream or goal. The grieving process applies to any loss and includes five stages: denial (shock), anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Whatever stage of the grieving process you are currently going through (you can cycle through the stages a few times before acceptance), studying Bible verses about loss can help you see how God brings us comfort during the hardest trials in our lives. He helps us overcome grief. Bible Verses about Loss We live in a fallen, sinful world, and we experience loss and grief because of this. Our tears fall, and our hearts hurt for what could have been or the memories of something or someone special to us. Yet, God sent us His Son to ensure that we will have joy and no more tears for eternity after this life. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:3-4, NIV In the meantime, we must walk through dark times, knowing that we will emerge stronger, braver, and wiser. We will come out the other side and move past this loss. When we enter the denial stage, we want to avoid the pain. We procrastinate on the arrangements after the death of a loved one, often delegating them to someone else. [...]

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Ways to Manage Stress While Losing Weight

Ways to Manage Stress While Losing Weight

Melissa Plantz2024-09-27T09:26:46+00:00November 24th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Weight Loss, Women’s Issues|

Did you make losing weight a New Year’s resolution? Did you decide that this was the year for a new start? And just like every year prior, is it hard to manage stress, when it feels like your stress level has gone through the roof? You are not alone. A large percentage of the population cites losing weight as a goal at the beginning of the year. However, the responsibilities of life bear down on us, making reaching that goal that much harder. But you do not have to let the pressure derail your weight loss efforts this year. Instead, learn ways to manage stress and make small shifts in your behavior and mindset to reach your goals. Ways to manage stress and while losing weight When it comes to ways to manage stress, you may have to incorporate the trial-and-error method. For some people, walking each morning outdoors is enough to lower their stress levels. For others, frigid temperatures make walking difficult, so they rely on stretching sessions throughout the day. When you have several options to choose from on ways to manage stress, you can select the ones that work with your lifestyle and forget the rest. Read the tips below and choose a few you can try today. Go outdoors. Getting out into the fresh air can lift your spirits and boost your calorie burn. Sunlight provides vitamin D and can lower blood pressure. Combine this with the act of walking, and now you are strengthening bones and boosting the immune system. When you make walking outdoors a consistent endeavor, it changes your mindset. You come back from your walk energized and calmer than when you started. Practice deep breathing. Deep breathing forces your muscles to relax as you focus on your breath. When you inhale through [...]

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Moving Past Failure On Your Journey Toward Self-Development

Moving Past Failure On Your Journey Toward Self-Development

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T13:55:35+00:00September 29th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

For the longest time, Jason had no concept of self-development and felt as though his life was spiraling out of control. He was one of those people who’s been gifted with intelligence, a good sense of humor, and a warm personality that was inviting to others. But it just seemed as though things never quite lined up for him – his relationship with his fiancé ended after they found themselves on different paths in life, and various other friendships of his crumbled when he sought to build accountability into those friendships. He had tried his hand at various business ventures; he had great ideas and a solid work ethic, but somehow things just never quite got off the ground. It wasn’t long after that Jason began to feel like not only had he failed at a few things – he felt as though he was a failure. Life doesn’t always go according to plan or stick to our schedule. Our desires for a certain kind of life get frustrated through a combination of our poor choices, the choices and actions of others, and circumstances simply not lining up in our favor. A business can fail because there are poor systems in place, but even the best-positioned business can struggle in the face of huge events such as a global pandemic or a severe economic recession. The dynamics in personal relationships aren’t always under our control, and that’s partly the reason they are both rewarding and a little scary. Failure will happen in everyone’s life. When things go off the rails, that leaves one with a choice of how to respond meaningfully to that setback. It is possible to use failure to catapult yourself further toward your goals, but that requires the cultivation of a certain mindset regarding self-development. How [...]

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Preparing for the Big Day: Bible Verses about Marriage

Preparing for the Big Day: Bible Verses about Marriage

Melissa Plantz2024-09-27T09:25:33+00:00September 26th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Spiritual Development|

A wedding includes so many details that it is easy to get caught up in the planning stage. Many couples want a church, minister, rings, flowers, candles, reception, food and drinks, party savers, photos, groomsmen, and bridesmaids. But how much time are you putting into planning your marriage? Are you studying Bible verses about marriage? The wedding and reception will last less than a day, but your marriage will hopefully last for the rest of your life. Yet, we place more emphasis on the wedding than the marriage. The Bible speaks of the union of a man and a woman, the partnership, and the intimacy. Studying Bible Verses about Marriage Pick a time when you and your significant other can sit down and study Bible verses about marriage. Consider seeking out a counselor for premarital counseling. It may be a much more beneficial investment than the wedding and honeymoon combined. Making Christ the center of your marriage and your family will help when times get tough, knowing that in God’s strength you can strive to be the godliest and most loving spouse possible. If you want the same for your partner, make sure they know where you stand. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18, NIV God created the union of a man and a woman with the creation of Eve. God had already made the animals and saw that Adam needed a companion, a helpmate. God thinks so highly of marriage that the church is referred to as a bride waiting for her groom (the return of Jesus). God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” – Genesis 1:28, NIV [...]

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