Kate Motaung, Little Elm Christian Counseling

Is There Such a Thing as ADHD Anger?

Is There Such a Thing as ADHD Anger?

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:56:52+00:00January 10th, 2024|ADHD/ADD, Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a chronic self-regulation disorder that includes attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and compulsiveness. It usually begins in childhood and can persist into adulthood, with treatment options including medication and managing symptoms through behavioral strategies and therapy. It is one of the most common neuro-developmental disorders affecting children and, because of its anti-social symptoms and ability to hinder performance in school and life, can contribute toward low self-esteem and anxiety for those suffering from it. While anger is a feeling common to all people, many adults and children have developed the ability to respond to it in healthy ways. There is evidence that people struggling with ADHD have a more difficult time doing this. Symptoms of ADHD anger The term ADHD anger, or ADHD rage, has been used to describe this phenomenon which includes explosive outbursts, tantrums in children, mood swings, defiant behavior, or irritability. There are several reasons for this connection between ADHD and anger such as regulation issues, impulsivity, frustration, and medication side effects. Regulation issues. ADHD sufferers have a decreased ability to regulate their emotions, as they have weakened executive functioning. This is the part of the brain responsible for things like problem-solving and planning; and so, when triggered, ADHD anger flares up due to the inability to self-regulate. For children, it means next-level temper tantrums, and, for adults (and kids and teens), a disproportionate emotional response to a situation or an angry outburst. Impulsivity. Impulsivity, which relates to reactions that are not based on thinking through the outcomes, is common for people with ADHD. In the heat of the moment, this impulsivity kicks in and ADHD anger can be unleashed. While this is certainly a common occurrence for humans in general, those struggling with ADHD could have a propensity to act recklessly, [...]

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The Lie at the Root: Infidelity in Marriage

The Lie at the Root: Infidelity in Marriage

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:06+00:00August 31st, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Things that seem like a good idea from one standpoint are often poor decisions when viewed with sober judgment. In our lives, we can look at the past and see how foolish or misguided we were when we made certain decisions or took a path we thought would lead to happiness. Such a thing is infidelity in marriage. Wisdom is being able to see a thing for what it is in the moment, and not fall prey to illusions about your own intentions or the possible outcomes. We need wisdom when it comes to sex and relationships because we can easily mislead ourselves as well as get misled. Why infidelity happens in marriage There are many possible reasons why infidelity happens in a marriage. Sometimes it occurs as a form of revenge against one spouse for something they did or did not do. At other times, it occurs because something is missing in the relationship, such as a sense of intimacy or not feeling appreciated. While unhappiness is often a cause of infidelity, at other times it occurs because of boredom, or simply because the opportunity arises spontaneously. Infidelity also often occurs because of the desire to explore aspects of oneself that aren’t being given care or attention within the marriage. Marital unfaithfulness can also occur when a person reconnects with an old flame, for instance. This can lead to the desire to tread the path not taken earlier in life and to reawaken old desires. Whatever you may think of those reasons, they are real reasons why people have affairs. Those affairs may be physical and sexual, or they can be emotional affairs that happen at a distance via phone or the internet. Either way, one is crossing a boundary and having an inappropriate relationship that dishonors the marriage. [...]

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Re-ordered Heart: Navigating Trauma, Codependency, and People Pleasing

Re-ordered Heart: Navigating Trauma, Codependency, and People Pleasing

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:12+00:00June 5th, 2023|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

The nature of trauma has the potential to inform, influence, and infect our relationships. Traumatic experiences point to the roots of sin and dysfunction in our families. This may not be isolated to our families of origin, but it also makes an appearance in our adulthood experiences. While we may have adopted codependency and people-pleasing to navigate difficult seasons of life, they don’t facilitate interactions with others but rather complicate them. Instead of remaining true to who God has made us, we try to suppress that, misbelieving that we serve others when we forfeit the boundaries and behaviors that enhance our well-being. Codependency suggests that our value is anchored in what we do to gain acceptance and approval by pleasing people. When we continue with that as if it were true, we build thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around what satisfies others. This devalues the Holy Spirit within and the range of normal and God-given desires He has planted in our hearts. While trauma and codependency may have informed our difficulties, it doesn’t define or dictate our life path. When we encounter revealed Truth in Scripture and an encounter with the Spirit of Christ, we are miraculously exposed to the abundance of healing, peace, and joy available to us in our relationship with God. Moving away from codependency To alter the behavior, we have to re-evaluate the narratives that we rehearse internally. Are our internal scripts true and supported by Scripture or informed by past wounds and perspectives that don’t reflect the fullness of God’s grace and mercy? It is only in knowing that we are completely loved and fully accepted by God, that we embrace honest exploration of the thoughts we are often afraid to confront or express in prayer. The Holy Spirit will infuse us with the courage and [...]

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Nurturing Your Children’s Mental Health

Nurturing Your Children’s Mental Health

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:20+00:00April 12th, 2023|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

Children develop better in all areas – socially, emotionally, mentally, and physically – if they have good mental health. A key to nurturing children’s mental health is loving relationships which help children to manage their feelings. Their mental health is enhanced by physical activity, a nutritious diet, and regular quality sleep. This article focuses on children’s mental health between the ages of three to eight years old. Feeling happy and positive about themselves most of the time is a feeling that characterizes children with good mental health. They feel loved, secure in their environments, and safe. These children are kind to themselves when things get tough, or when they are surprised that things do not go the way they hoped or expected. These feelings reflect internal security about attempting things for the first time, or even tasks they know will be difficult. A good level of children’s mental health is seen in how a child enjoys life, learns well, and has friendly relationships with family and those he or she meets. Should he or she become sad, worried, or angry, the child is able to recover to his or her normal emotional levels in a short period of time. Those in the field find that children’s mental health is a key part of their healthy development as it assists them in building good skills which enable them to navigate behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, and communicate with others. As the child grows, his or her good mental health sets up a robust foundation for continued health and well-being as he or she gets older. Ways to foster children’s mental health A positive relationship between you and your child can be tied directly to building up his or her mental health. Some ideas to strengthen your children’s mental health using loving and [...]

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How Do Happy Couples Resolve Their Differences in a Relationship?

How Do Happy Couples Resolve Their Differences in a Relationship?

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:26+00:00January 14th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Did you know that married happy couples report experiencing the same amount of conflict as their unmarried counterparts? According to the research conducted by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the primary distinction between the two groups is how they handle arguments and disagreements within their relationships. What does it mean to be happy? For countless years, thinkers, clergymen, clergywomen, and mental health experts, along with many others, have argued about what constitutes happiness; nevertheless, happiness itself is a very subjective concept. Although the term “happiness” is frequently interchanged with terms such as “joy,” “pleasure,” and “glee” to refer to a transient emotion, happiness is more commonly used to refer to emotions of well-being and contentment that last for a longer period. The absence of sorrow, anxiety, or any other unfavorable feelings is not necessarily synonymous with contentment. Happiness, on the other hand, denotes a general sense of fulfillment and the tendency to evaluate one’s life as being positive, significant, and fruitful. Many different conceptions of happiness share certain characteristics, such as the following: Having a sense of contentment with how one’s life is progressing, holding oneself in high esteem while simultaneously being able to forgive oneself for past errors and failings. Discovering contentment in the little things in life and the people you love. Possessing multiple areas of success in life Possessing an upbeat attitude and a propensity to view challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles. embracing challenges as learning experiences and chances for advancement Taking responsibility for one’s happiness rather than allowing one’s feelings to be influenced by events or circumstances occurring outside of oneself. The science of happiness for couples Positive psychology is a subfield of psychology that focuses on happiness, well-being, and capitalizing on people’s talents. As a result, there is a growing interest among researchers [...]

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Coping with Parenthood Burnout

Coping with Parenthood Burnout

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:34+00:00December 21st, 2022|Couples Counseling, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Are you struggling with parenthood burnout? Do any of the following situations seem familiar? Colicky babies. Screaming toddlers. No babysitters. Around-the-clock feeds. Sleep deprivation. Financial strain. Behavior challenges. Constant touching/loud environments that leave you mentally and physically drained. Feelings of failure when trying to figure out a family/faith/career balance. Having to move away from family/support system due to jobs. Spouse long work hours/demanding travel schedules. While being a parent is one of life’s greatest treasures, it can also be one of the most demanding and depleting tasks you are faced with. While doting new parents are head-over-heels in love with their precious bundle of joy, it isn’t long before parents are thrown new curve balls and obstacles that need to be overcome. The weight of caring for, raising, and nurturing another life can feel like too much to carry alone. Sometimes parents who are feeling overwhelmed by circumstances and parenthood burnout do not want to ask for help, because they feel like it means they do not love their baby. Your feelings are valid. Feeling overwhelmed by parenthood means you are human. If you feel overwhelmed because your baby won’t sleep, you aren’t alone. If you feel overcome with postpartum anxiety/depression, you aren’t alone. If you feel so tired and drained that you could fall asleep standing up, you aren’t alone. If you wish you had a trusted babysitter or family around to help, you aren’t alone. If you do not know how to ask for help, you aren’t alone. How to Cope with Parenthood Burnout If you are wondering what to do next as you navigate the trenches of parenthood, consider these steps: Make the call or send the text. If you have a trusted friend or family member who can watch your kids for a few hours so [...]

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How to Help Your Depressed Husband

How to Help Your Depressed Husband

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T13:55:28+00:00December 1st, 2022|Couples Counseling, Depression, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

When you got married, you promised to love and take care of your partner through good times and bad. Even though it may have been easy to stay together when you were both happy, your vows are put to the test when one of you is depressed. Having a depressed husband can make you feel alone. You might feel like you’re the only one in the world going through this. About sixteen million Americans have depression. Depression can happen to anyone, no matter how old they are, what gender they are, or how much they know about mental health. One partner being depressed can make it harder to keep a marriage together, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail just because one of you is depressed. You and your partner can have a happy, fulfilling relationship. By learning how to deal with a depressed partner, you can go from being frustrated to being able to keep your marriage as happy as you both know it can be. What causes depression? Even though no one knows for sure what causes depression, doctors think it has to do with a mix of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. That is to say, your partner could be depressed because it’s in their genes or because they’re going through a hard time or a traumatic event. Different things can cause depression in men and women. Women are almost twice as likely as men to be told they have depression. There are some biological reasons for this, such as the fact that hormone levels change before and after pregnancy and before and after menopause. There are also cultural factors that make women more likely to be depressed, like having to deal with extra stress to build high-powered careers and do most of the [...]

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Moving Past Failure On Your Journey Toward Self-Development

Moving Past Failure On Your Journey Toward Self-Development

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T13:55:35+00:00September 29th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

For the longest time, Jason had no concept of self-development and felt as though his life was spiraling out of control. He was one of those people who’s been gifted with intelligence, a good sense of humor, and a warm personality that was inviting to others. But it just seemed as though things never quite lined up for him – his relationship with his fiancé ended after they found themselves on different paths in life, and various other friendships of his crumbled when he sought to build accountability into those friendships. He had tried his hand at various business ventures; he had great ideas and a solid work ethic, but somehow things just never quite got off the ground. It wasn’t long after that Jason began to feel like not only had he failed at a few things – he felt as though he was a failure. Life doesn’t always go according to plan or stick to our schedule. Our desires for a certain kind of life get frustrated through a combination of our poor choices, the choices and actions of others, and circumstances simply not lining up in our favor. A business can fail because there are poor systems in place, but even the best-positioned business can struggle in the face of huge events such as a global pandemic or a severe economic recession. The dynamics in personal relationships aren’t always under our control, and that’s partly the reason they are both rewarding and a little scary. Failure will happen in everyone’s life. When things go off the rails, that leaves one with a choice of how to respond meaningfully to that setback. It is possible to use failure to catapult yourself further toward your goals, but that requires the cultivation of a certain mindset regarding self-development. How [...]

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Getting to Grips with Boundaries in Relationships

Getting to Grips with Boundaries in Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:57:53+00:00August 4th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

The concept of “boundaries” has become popular in recent years, with many books and articles appearing on the topic. It can, however, be difficult to get to grips with, and where boundaries in relationships are lacking, the issue can be even harder to identify and resolve. What exactly are boundaries? Just as physical boundaries in the world represent the beginning and end of things – walls, traffic lanes, state lines – so too do these concepts apply to the self and relationships. A personal boundary delineates where a person ends, and another person begins and leads to a sense of ownership for what an individual is thereby responsible for. They are responsible for themselves – their body, feelings, thoughts, choices, desires, behaviors, and so forth. When boundaries in relationships are firmly in place, there can be freedom to enjoy the blessing of that particular type of companionship, and the idea of boundaries need not be considered in any way. When, however, we ascertain that we are taking responsibility for someone else’s property, such as their thoughts or feelings, etc., or we are controlling someone or they are controlling us, it is a warning sign that boundaries lines have been confused. Feeling hurt is also an indication of breached boundaries, as is resentment or bitterness creeping into relationships. If you constantly feel tired or stressed, and yet are powerless to say no to additional demands, a boundary problem could also be lurking. In these instances, it would be extremely helpful to have some sessions with a trained Christian counselor, who will guide you through ascertaining where “property ownership” is being contested, and assist in navigating you back to having healthy boundaries in relationships. Boundaries in Relationships: Marriage Patterns As Christians, we believe that marriage is a covenant relationship where “two [...]

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How to Manage Stress with God’s Help

How to Manage Stress with God’s Help

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T08:58:07+00:00July 25th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

It is something you see wherever you look: your immediate network of friends and colleagues and most certainly on social media – people trying to manage stress by working more. This faulty logic may be that work equals money, and because money is inversely proportional to stress the more money you have, the less stress you have as a result. Is this true? If people could expertly manage stress through more work, then why would God designate a whole day every week to rest and worship? Well, let us start by taking a look at what it is to remember the sabbath, and then how this relates to managing stress. Manage stress through obedience to God Remembering the Sabbath is a command from God. It is not just a good idea that we should seriously consider. It is a direct instruction from the one who designed and knit together each one of us so that we would live in line with how we were designed. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. – Exodus 20:8-11, NIV For a refresher on the type of work God undertook in those first days, open up your Bible to the first page of Genesis. Like himself, God has given us the [...]

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