10 Reasons Why Premarital Counseling is Important

Couples that have been seeing each other for a while and are ready to take the next step in their relationship usually seek the services of a counselor or religious leader to walk them through premarital counseling. Not all couples do this, but it is highly recommended.

Premarital counseling is a type of therapy for couples who wish to marry and want help to understand the commitment they are about to make. Its purpose is to arm the couple with information and skills for marriage, help discuss problematic issues in the relationship, and evaluate where they stand with each other.

Why is premarital counseling important?

Each couple is unique. Motivations for seeking pre-marital counseling differ from couple to couple, however, its importance cannot be understated. Below are some common reasons why people should consider doing pre-marital counseling before they get married:

Safe and confidential third party. Couples need a safe, confidential place to discuss their relationship. Premarital counseling provides this space. Here couples know that no topic is off limits and having an impartial third party helps the couple open up about things they might not have been able to with other people.

Ability to discuss sensitive/hard topics. Some subjects might seem too sensitive to discuss. Going for premarital counseling allows couples to talk freely without the fear of judgment or punishment. Couples will also be taught how to handle such topics in the future.

Setting goals. Premarital counseling can help couples set their relational goals and be taught how to plan together. They will learn the tools they will need to succeed as a couple.

Gain skills and tools. Like anything new we embark on in life, we need the necessary tools and skills. Marriage is no different. For it to work and stand the test of time, couples need to be equipped with tools that they will use during their marriage as it goes through different stages and phases.  

Get to know yourself and your partner. Before Therapy, we all think we know ourselves, however, with the use of assessment tests, we are allowed to understand ourselves and our partners better.

This knowledge will help us understand why we behave in certain ways. This brings about a sense of understanding which is important for any marriage to work. Knowing ourselves or our partners also helps us identify problematic behavioral patterns that might need special attention.

Help dealing with a problematic issue. Some couples during their courtship might encounter certain issues that they feel they need help understanding and resolving. Premarital counseling will give space to discuss these issues and offer tools and skills to deal with similar problems in the future.

Get a realistic view of marriage. From the time we were young, we all have heard what marriage is like. Whether we have a positive or negative view of marriage, pre-marital counseling will help bring a more realistic view for you as a couple, taking into consideration your unique paring.

Expose irreconcilable differences. Sometimes, though this is rare, premarital counseling might expose some irreconcilable differences where a couple can make informed decisions about whether to get married. Though this can be a tough outcome, it sometimes can save a lot of heartache in the future.

Familiarize themselves with therapy. Going for premarital therapy usually is the first time most of us are introduced to the therapeutic world. If it goes well, this familiarity will help the couple seek help and support later during their marriage.

Reflection and feedback. During the process of premarital counseling, the therapist will also provide the couple with feedback and reflections on what they would have observed. This is invaluable as it arms the couple with an unbiased assessment of their relationship and enables them to make necessary changes.

Topics discussed during premarital counseling

Like a therapy session, there is a wide array of topics that can be discussed. However, considering that the purpose of premarital counseling is to prepare the couple for marriage, below are some topics one can expect to be touched on:

• Communication.
• Family of origin relationships.
• Finances.
• Dreams and goals for the marriage.
• Infidelity and its different definitions.
• Gender role expectations.
• Children.
• Sex and Intimacy.
• Expectations of the marriage.
• Past romantic relationships and their effects.
• Values and beliefs.
• Relationship satisfaction at present.
• Conflict resolution styles.
• Dysfunctional or abusive behaviors.
• Mental and physical health concerns.

As mentioned earlier, each couple is unique making its needs unique to their relationship. The couple can also suggest which areas are problematic and need further assistance. The relationship between the therapist and the couple is a supportive one. This allows the couple to be themselves, getting the most out of the process.

We can help.

If you and your partner are considering taking your relationship to the next step and you need help navigating this time, please get in touch with our office. We will pair you with a therapist that will help you in talking through this new season in your life and answer any questions you might have about marriage.